guest blogger: Des

Since he is home from school today(the lesson is not being learned:he's having a great time) Des is expressing some opinions for your edification:

Des:I really want Sudbury to have a gym. I think it would be a way funner activity and I think the school should have some construction work done to it so it can be bigger and put more stuff in it to have more activities.

Mom:What do you mean by activities?

Des:Regular fun activities like going somewhere. do you know what I mean?

Mom: No I don't because if you want to go someplace you can just make a trip.

Des: some stuff fun activities means to me well playing freeze tag, you know, doing stuff

Mom: so do you want other ideas for things for you to do?

Des: no

Mom: but you want there to be more things to do? do you want someone to come to you and say hey Des, why don't you come and do this with me like making goop or doing projects?

Des: No I don't want somebody to ask that to me.

Mom: I don't think I know what it is that you want from the school.

I don't want anything to borrow.

Mom: I know that. I mean I don't know what you want the school to be like.

I think the tower in the playroom should be bigger and the tunnel should lead out of the playroom. the playroom should be bigger with a bigger tower thing to play on. A bigger playground, I want a better playground with a tunnel that goes outside of the building. I went the giant red thing to lead into the hallways and outdoors and you could look at everything really high. That would be so great.

Mom: So that's the kind of activity that you want?

Yup! But I don't think it's gonna happen.

someone's in trouble

Des berated me for a full 40 minutes today about the deficiencies in his halloween costume. His tirade came to an abrupt halt. He said in a subdued voice, "Oh yeah, I'm restricted from riding the bus for one day."

I'm keeping him home tomorrow. This was a controversial decision with many no votes from Des and one parent abstaining. However, if he keeps it up that means I'm stuck driving him again because he can't control himself on the bus. He says nobody asked him to be quiet or gave him a warning. We're going to check with the bus driver so that he knows we listen to his side and take him seriously but there has also been many a time when I have asked him something repeatedly and he'll say he didn't hear me.

the time machine

The kids had a friend over the other day and after dinner they decided to build a time machine. After about an hour they had rigged something up with two lamps, a broom and dustpan, a pirate flag, some cardboard, some toilet paper rolls, these vinyl wall coverings from Amelia's room and a lot of scotch tape. When it didn't work in the living room they decided to bring it to the kitchen. They started to discuss which time they would travel to first and I said "if it works" and Ray snickered. Des went off! "Oh it WILL work. It WON'T work for you because you don't believe in it. People who don't believe in magic can't do magic. People who do believe in magic, DO MAGIC!"

He stormed back over to the time machine and turned to us and shouted "And you ARE NOT taking this down when I go to bed tonight." We found ourselves in that terrible position of wanting to laugh but knowing it would set him off again.

The funny thing is that part of me really agrees with him. I often get choked up at the end of the Polar Express. Because I still hope for Christmas miracles or strange doings on Halloween. I know we benefit from living in the age of science and rationality but I miss the hope and promise of magic.

Rambling(started the post with one thing in mind and ended up somewhere else altogether)

I was at school a lot last week doing prep for the fair and one thing I noticed is that periodically a kid would come through saying "Freeze tag, freeze tag" or "Capture the flag, we're playing Capture the Flag" to get a game going. amelia told me that Freeze Tag is usually boys vs. girls "but I don't like that so sometimes I just tell them what side I'm going to play on and that's that."
I asked Des to explain Capture the Flag to me and this was his response "It is so fun but it's really hard to explain and to learn. You just have to play it and get the rules while you play. there are these different people and they have to run to the sides and they can be prisoners but I think you can get rescued and then if you don't get caught you have to take this thing from the guards and get it back to your side." I said "That sounds pretty hard Des." He said, pretty cheerfully, "Oh it is. I've lost every single time I played."

Anyway, I watched a big game of Capture the Flag play out and later on I saw a two boys, a six year old and a 16 or 17 year old pass each other in the hall. The teenager said "Hey,good game, man" as he reached down and tousled the younger boy's hair. It was just so nice. And so unexpected. Especially because this teenager is taller than I am, has a couple of piercings and a beard that makes him look like he's 26.

And speaking of expectations, I was talking to another girl and she just blew my mind. I've chatted with this girl a couple of times and she seems really nice and I know my kids like her so I asked her about her other school experiences besides Sudbury. She told me how she had a lot of problems in other schools and was getting kicked out of class because of her attitude and that she was considered a trouble maker. It was so hard for me to reconcile that image with the interesting friendly intelligent young woman that I was talking to. I don't share this as a testamonial to the idea that sudbury cured her or fixed her in some way, I say it as evidence that traditional schools fail to adapt their methods or respond positively to a student that challenges them. so that student finds a way out; they follow this girl's route and get themselves kicked out or they check out which is what I did(I'll have to devote a post to my legendary truancy some day). Or find another way to endure the endless hours of the school day. What a waste.

Halloween Fair

We had a great time but I am wiped out. Attendance was poor and we didn't cover our expenses but everyone who did come had an awesome time.

so what did I learn? Next time I will delegate even more work than I did this time. I didn't have enough time to work on things that I would have enjoyed because I was doing stuff that I wasn't good at and didn't like.

Better advertising. Paid advertising. Actually I should have asked for more money in the first place. the people who did come spent money so I think it could be profitable.

I'll ask for more donations from the community. I'll get started earlier. We'll also have pictures from this year so maybe we can do a press release. I'm thinking aloud hear.

I know that it was successful in the sense of being a pretty fun party but I'm really really disappointed that I didn't get more people in. At one point it really was like my worst fear came to life when we just sort of standing around looking at each other. Oh well. this was the first year, I think it's worth doing again.

Making goop

I had the idea of making goop for the fair. We'll stick it in a cauldron and call it goblin's blood and let kids stick their hands in it and then we would give them a little easter egg of the stuff as a souvenir. I thought this would be a fun in school activity and it was, just not the way I expected it to be.

For starters,goop is best made in small batches, especially if you are using borax which needs to dissolve before you mix it with white glue. I tried to quintuple the recipe. Also, glue is messy and if you decide to be fair and let each child present pour a container of glue into a mixing bowl and you have more than three kids participating, well, there's going to be a mess. Oh yeah, putting a gigantic mixing bowl filled with 40 ounces of glue and 5 cups of water in front of 8 kids and then telling them not to touch it. That doesn't work. Luckily though Cady had been messing around with the borax water and then she plunged her hand into the glue mixture and came up with a hand covered in goop so we realized that the amounts didn't have to be exact. thanks Cady! From there two staff members and I mixed it and the kids played with it. At one point Cady had no shirt on, finn was fooling around with a broom, the kids at the table were slapping goop around and I was measuring out borax as fast as I could while talking to Amelia, or somebody. A staff turned to me and said "This is pretty much what your house is like all the time isn't it?"

After a while I noticed that a few of the little kids had been replaced by some bigger kids. they hung out and played with the goop for a good 20 minutes. again, you've actually got to resist those teachable moments because you know what most of the time it sounds so artificail and pedantic. It was so tempting to get into the chemistry of making goop but I kept my mouth shut. You know why? Because nobody asked me, that's why.

Speaking of ask, a girl asked me to be on her thesis committee. I was very surprised because I don't know this girl very well. But I said yes. I was so surprised and yes, flattered, that every time I ran into her the rest of the day I kept giving her this big smile. Like she had asked me to the prom. Ha! I'm such a geek.

What do they really need to know?

There was a philosophy discussion on saturday and we started to talk about how what the schools teach is always behind the times. Actually we started to talk about learning to tell time and was it necessary to learn on an analog clock since most clocks are digital anyway. This led to the discussion of how fast our world changes and that what we think is important to know today probably won't apply in 20 years. I, of course, still think kids should learn how to tell time on an analog clock because even though there are many digital clocks there are also still many analogs. We have one. Analog wristwatches still sell. I'm straying from the point, sorry. someone said something along the lines of "What gives me the right to say what is important to know?", something like that. But I think that there are core skills that are useful even if we use a more sophisticated technology now.

For me the deifning criteria of a core skill is probably something that can be done without electicity. Here are my set of core skills: reading and writing, basic mathematical operations plus fractions and percentages, public speaking, basic navigation(left from right, compass points),and the scientific method. a smattering of logic would help too. since analog clocks theoretically don't require a battery I'll say learning how to tell time is also important, better yet-learning how to approzimate the time based on the position of the sun. All this stuff can be taught by anybody to anybody. I would tack on hygiene, etiquette and a moral code but that should come from the family first and foremost and then be supported by school. I think if you have this stuff down you can probably make it through any situation. I'm thinking about what can get you through a trip to the grocery store.

I'm not saying that there aren't other topics that aren't also valuable to know but not knowing them doesn't make you a less successful human being. If the schools focused on the core skills and then let the students study more advanced subjects at their leisure everyone would probably be a lot happier. And I don't think Sudbury schools would be worse off if they agreed that there is a minimum skill set they want their students to learn.

The problem is that once you start making a list people want to add, subtract, and usually expand to the point that it becomes unwieldy, incomprehensible or impossible to achieve.

how far do you take it?

I've been spending a lot of time at school these past few weeks, working on stuff for the Halloween fair. I noticed a sign in the Art Room that they have "Sewing Machine" on their wish list. I have a half decent sewing machine gathering dust in my basement because I cannot do any sewing with Cady and Finn around right now. I've been thinking about letting them use it for a year but have hesitated because when you loan something you run the risk of it being damaged. It just seems selfish to keep it to myself when I have no idea when, if ever, I'm going to use it.

I was talking to a staff about it and she said that if they wanted it they needed to do more than just put it on a wish list. Even if they just sent an email out asking if anyone had a sewing machine. This is when I mentioned that I did have one. we talked about if it was a good idea for me to even loan it and she said she was going to encourage them to send an email out now, knowing there was a machine out there.

I thought about it. If this wasn't Sudbury and I knew that some people were looking for a sewing machine and I had one to loan I would just give it to them. But I've got The Philosophy in the back of my mind and I've been thinking that I'll wait for them to ask before I offer. It feels artificial though. Like I'm making it harder for them than it needs to be and not giving them an experience closer to real life, where serendipity often plays a role. I wonder, will they be more or less likely to use the machine if the step of asking for it is eliminated. In a way they did ask. they asked the universe, they put it on a piece of paper and in a very limited way put it out there. What is the crucial step to appreciate the relationship between effort and success? Would the appreciate the dumb luck that I just happenned to notice that they wanted a sewing machine? Is the fact that I'm even considering this to be a lesson a violation of The Philosophy? am I overthinking again? I think so!

On another note, there were some kids in the office getting prices on chemicals, I think for developing film. One of them noticed me walking by and said "We're building a bomb." I started to say "Well, as long as you're learning something" but checked myself and said "Well at least you're keeping busy." A girl said "At least we're learning something!" and we all laughed.

ethical dilemma

There was an article in the paper about HVSS and it was really positive. It was wonderful. My problem is that there are a couple of quotes from me but I didn't really say them. This makes me feel so uncomfortable. One of them was on the front page of the paper as a "Quote of the Week". Am I being naiive? Is this something that is just standard practice with newspapers? I wouldn't mind being misquoted but straight up fabrication just feels so wrong. and I never actually spoke to the person with the byline. why don't they give the guy who did the interview a little credit? I feel like I'm part of a hoax. Maybe I'm making too big a deal of it but I guess I think that newspapers have a responsibility to be truthful. The phrase public trust keeps coming to mind. Now I don't feel like I can trust anything I read in that paper.

I considered writing a note thanking them for the article but objecting to the quotes. I don't really know what I want them to do though- print a correction? Never write about the school again? I think it's just best that I not be involved in this sort of thing in the future. Being dishonest, even passively, for the benefit of the school does not sit well with me.

Is it OK to do the right thing for the wrong reason or to do the wrong thing for the right reason? (If this was an episode of Sex and the city there would now be a scene that involved me discussing this while buying shoes) (I have shoes on the brain because I just had to get rid of 7 or 8 pairs of some really cute ones because my foot is suddenly a 1/2 size bigger than it used to be-another side effect of having kids!) (but I digress)

I just explained my feelings to Ray and he said no one would believe me. Now I'm thinking about all the trash mags I read and he's right, even when you know something is preposterous, seeing it in print does give it this mystical air of veracity(there's an awkward phrase). Well, there's nothing mystical about it, there's an assumption that the person writing the article has taken the time to make sure that what they are saying is true, but why do we assume that anymore? How frustrating it must be for people to read distorted or untrue accounts of events involving them.

the bottom line is that I'm going to let it go, it's not that big a deal(even though it really is!) and hopefully more merit will be generated by generating more interest and hopefully more students for our wonderful school than damage will be done by letting people get away with sloppy reporting. But don't quote me on that.

Busy little bees

The art room is the new hot spot at the school. They changed the way you can be certified for things so that now there are three levels of certification. apparently level two has some really cool stuff because even Des got certified for it.

amelia has brought home lots of paintings and creations with a bunch of buttons glued to them. She is also in love with Mod Podge. Des makes "turretts". They are clothespins and other bits of wood glued together and painted and they are some kind of weapon. At home the kids are into making books. We have tons and tons of scrap paper so they sit and draw for hours and then punch holes in the drawings and tie them altogether with string.

I'm going in this friday to make stuff for the halloween fair. I know it would be easier to do it myself but I like kids and I like working with them so I don't mind the inconvenience of having a few helpers.

Talking to the press is not my strong suit

So I had emailed a local reporter about the school and suggested that they do a story on HVSS. Actually I was trying to get a calender listing about the Halloween fair but figured I might as well ask for a story about the school too.

So last week, I was taking a nap while Finn slept when the phone rang and it was someone from the paper who wanted to talk to me about the school. I was a little groggy and should have asked them to call back but I wasn't thinking. I don't think I said anything dumb but after I got off the phone with him I thought of a few more points and started replaying whatever it was I had said and wished I had just given him the number of another parent to talk to.

The story will be in this week's edition of the paper and I'm dreading it. Irrational fear? Maybe. But I think I like being behind the scenes better. I think I'm an extroverted introvert. Like, I know there are people reading this blog but when they have told me they read it I get so embarrassed, like they've seen me in my unmentionables. And I'm not really confessing any deep dark secrets here. And yet I do like to share my opinion. I mean it can't bother me that much because I do still have a blog.

I don't know. I just don't want to sound like an idiot or make the school look bad.

In other news, I have been sick and in quite a bit of pain thus the drop of in posts. Still plugging away at DIA. Tomorrow I'm going to enter this great passage about the election of the president. Can you stand the suspense? :)

Lastly, today is my 13th anniversary. we were married on a friday the 13th and it has worked out quite well for us. People kept saying "Oh you musn't be superstitious if you picked that date" but I'm actually really superstitious. I have all kinds of "lucky" objects and weird little rituals. You know why? Because it makes life that much more fun! But this is a topic for another post.

I'm not gonna lie

It's been a tough week here at Casa de Yaya.

But we made it through and now we're on to bigger and better things. The playground co op is selling Apple Crisps tomorrow. Amelia is very excited to bring our apple slicer to school tomorrow.
It's nice to have a sense of purpose. Des is really struggling with this right now. He has been since the second week of school. I don't know how to help him. In a meaningful way. I guess it's all in the listening. I try to let him talk about what's going on hoping that he will come to his own conclusion but quite often he just goes around in circles. He basically has two problems 1) figuring out what he would like to do and 2) separating from his friends when he wants to do something that they aren't interested in.

He also said he would like to go to school meeting more often but he doesn't always understand what they are talking about. I suggested that he have someone that he already feels comfortable with explain it to him. I got his usual response "But that's so embarrassing!" The Sudbury Road is a long and windy one.

Losing my touch

I've always loved kids and spending time with them. I never found it hard to find something to talk about. Since I actually had kids though I guess I look at them differently. I don't know. I feel so artificial when I talk to kids sometimes. Two recent experiences made me think about this.

I'm going to HVSS on friday mornings for Halloween Committee meetings. At the first meeting a couple of students strolled in and sat down. Of course I was delighted, especially because they were older kids and I was hoping some of them would get into this so in my enthusiasm I totally put one of them on the spot asking him if he had any ideas. Not the social crime of the century, I know, but at the same time I should have been happy that someone even wanted to see what was going on.

The next week I decided to play it cool. One girl came in and started talking and wanted to share ideas but I got kind of distracted and ended up practically ignoring her. Oof! In my own defense she did ramble on a bit.

Really, I think I just need to brush up on my social skills in general. It's so tempting to look for those "teachable moments" but then I think about my cousin who always had a piece of advice. If you said you liked to read she told you to major in English and become a teacher. She never asked what you liked to read. Ray and I were talking about this, how hard it is to just listen. And to respond in a way that keeps the conversation going.

Thoughts on the Bailout

This is another example of how messy democracy can be. There has been a lot of yammering about the failure of leadership because the bailout bill didn't pass in the house on Monday. First of all I say good because it was crap law that was going to saddle us with a lot of debt and may not even help. Maybe this country needs a credit crunch. If you have to borrow money to pay for anything besides a house or college, well, maybe you can't afford it!

Anyway, I don't think it was a failure of leadership on the part of the House becaue a lot of those who voted no were listening to their constituents which is what they are supposed to do!

We live in a representative republic and if the people you represent don't want something maybe you should listen to them. Maybe those of us who didn't think the bill should pass were wrong and if we were then congress should do a better job of explaining why it's right. Actually the Paulson should explain why he should be allowed to violate the constitution and all the principles of an honest, transparent govt. with the taxpayers money.

I'm glad it happened. It's like the American people are finally waking up and taking control of their government again.

PS I can't believe I am on the same side of an issue as Rush Limbaugh. That is some freaky shit.