Elections

Staff elections were this week and ended today. This was a rocky one. Trust the process, I keep saying to myself, trust the process. Because I went back to work I just couldn't be a part of things the way I used to be. So I didn't go to the annual assembly meeting, the special assembly meeting, no more fundraising committee,or the last philosophy discussion. It sucks. I miss it. First of all, I genuinely like all the people that I see at these things and you just sort of hear about what's going on.

Anyway, back to the elections. I don't know why two current staff members ended up not making it onto the final slate and there is a brand new staff member that I have serious reservations about. The worst part for the kids was that on the final two slates they had to pick between two current staff members. Amelia was upset because she felt like she lost two people that she liked and wound up with someone she didn't like. Des hated having to choose. He wanted both people on staff. I think for the final slate vote they were thoughtful. They took it seriously.

I was surprised and not surprised by the outcome. I think this may be the first time that current staff members were voted off. I know it came close to happening last year.

Next year is going to be a test for us. This will be year three for Des and Amelia. I saw some changes in them this year that I wasn't happy about but I'm not sure if it's them or the school. really, I should say Amelia. And I have concerns about the culture of the school and now I have concerns about the staff. The year after next would be when Cady starts. She'll have Des and Amelia there but I won't be around as much and I don't know if there will be as many little kids coming in like there were when Des and Amelia started so I don't know. I'm not feeling good about this.

My head is overwhelmed

It is so stuffed with ideas, to do lists, details, reminders and responsibilities that I pretty much feel like if one more person asks me to do one more thing or make another decision and it will explode. I'm becoming very efficient because if I get a chance to do something I just do it so I don't have to think about it anymore. I just want to get it out of my head.

Yes, my head is very full right now. And there is so much work to do. Books to shelve, books to sort, books to trash, books to donate, books to read, books to list online, books to mail out, books to order. Then there are people to call, publishers, magazine distributors, local groups to partner with, my accountant, the landlord to get the lease, my sister to keep her moving along on the logo,a literacy group, some booksellers I have met, a few artists that I would like to set up for a show, the papers, web designers, a carpet cleaner, the window washer.

Then there is laundry, food shopping, Cady was sick and I spent an hour-a precious hour!-in the doctor's office, we need stamps, there is some play doh and play doh accoutrements that have been languishing on my deck for weeks, I haven't put away the easter eggs yet, my knitting, the bills, winter and summer clothes are all over the place. Every single person in my house needs their finger and toenails trimmed.

Yep. got a lot on my plate right now.

A full month without me? How have you survived?!

Weep no more, my dears. The egghead is back!

I decided to completely redefine the concept of "busy" as it applies to me by buying a used bookstore. My life is either The Kids or The Store. I have to pretty much warp the space-time continuum to make room for anything else.

It is a huge project. HUGE. Sorting, shelving and pricing almost 15,000 books-and that's just upstairs! Being surrounded by books makes me so happy. Even though I'm making no money(quite the opposite). I'm having interesting conversations with my customers. I get to make all the decisions (for better or worse) and I get to run around and buy great books and not feel guilty about never reading them. It's wonderful. And it has nothing to do with my kids. Being a mom is just a fact about me when I'm there but nobody is really interested in them or in talking about parenting. Sometimes I feel like a secret agent. I'm spying on the world that does not revolve around children.

All I have to do is figure out a way to make the store pay for itself and I'll be set.

Lots of stuff going down at Sudbury but I'll have to talk about that another time.

Parental Pressure

Our school is going to become a registered high school. What this means is that students can sit for some stupid new york state test and get a high school diploma. There was a discussion about this on our google group and one person mentioned that a potential downside was that parental pressure would be exerted upon a student to take the test.

My initial reaction was a defensive one. Why? Well I thought this person was making an argument against doing it because of possible parental pressure. It doesn't make sense to me to not do something because of a purely hypothetical reaction. And a hypothetical reaction that takes place out of school at that. I don't think it is staff or school meetings business to worry about how people parent their children. It does happen naturally of course. I mean you get to know people and you can guess how they will react to certain situations but ultimately, unless it's a case of abuse, it really is out of their control. I feel the debate about what is and isn't offered at school should focus solely on the opportunities it presents to the students and the school. As parents we know that we give up a great deal of control over our kids when we send them to this school but the school should, and I think is, be respectful of the fact that it's official influence ends when the kids go home. To make a decision in an attempt to influence or subvert a parents wish for their child does not sit well with me. Not that that's what was going on here.

I heard another argument against offering things at school that weren't generated by the students as wrong because 'kids might feel bad if they don't sign up". I hope that I misunderstood this because these sorts of worries lead to decisions based on fear. And they are fears about things that cannot ever be controlled- a person's emotional reaction to something.

But back to parental pressure. Is it a bad thing? No, not at all. And it is often very subtle or even unconscious. I don't think it's wrong to give your opinion about something or tell your kid what you think they should do. It's definitely a fine line. To convince but not coerce. (I love alliterative phrases!) I think it's unrealistic to expect parents to instruct and socialize their children but have some sort of off switch when it comes to what they learn or what path they follow.

Comparisons and competition

I went to an information session to give the parent's perspective for some folks interested in the school. I almost immediately got into a contentious discussion with a woman who clearly was not buying what we were selling. Somebody else asked me what differences I saw between my kids and kids in more traditional schools. The first thing that came to mind was that my kids were more relaxed. They don't worry about school. More importantly, they don't worry about failure and they don't worry about how they measure up. They aren't afraid to try things because they aren't afraid of failing.

There are a lot of kids out there who get good grades, not because their work is so exceptional but because they know how to get good grades. Ultimately, if your goal is a good grade, not the acquisition of a skill or knowledge, and you have a winning formula where is the impetus to try something new, to go beyond what's asked of you. Failure is not the worst thing in the world, it's not without consequences but it's not irredeemable. I think that the grading system blows the importance of the end results out of proportion and it takes it's toll on kids year after year.

I think that age mixing actually reduces some anxiety also. When you have 20 six year olds to compare yourself to every day, it's easy to start developing skewed ideas of what normal is and how you fit into that. When you are hanging out with kids of all different ages, differences can be ascribed to age rather than some inherent rightness or wrongness about yourself. It's a gentler rating system.

I've noticed that many of the Sudbury kids are generous with their praise of one another. Again, without these constant comparisons and measurements, there is a lot of room for generosity and encouragement. I'm not saying there isn't competition but it's an aspect of what goes on at school not the main, I'm at a loss for words here, factor.

Dither, Deliberate, Dither , Deliberate

What's the difference between dithering and deliberating? How well you like the person engaged in it!

I've probably said this before but a huge drawback of democracies is that everybody gets their say and it can be hard to get things accomplished. When you have to discuss and vote on every little thing you can get bogged down in the details.

The plus to this is that with a good deal of discussion some very creative solutions present themselves. At my pre-kid job we had this meeting every morning that was a monster. It was supposed to be about the patient rounds but it would go on for hours. Now I see that it's because the person running the meeting wanted to solve every problem indicated by the reports right then. That's impossible!

Sometimes democracy feels like an endless series of meetings. We're about to have our annual assembly meeting. This is an important part of a Sudbury school. For one, the budget gets voted on line by line and you know people get nutty when it's time to talk about money. I think, this will only be my second so I'm not sure, that it's also a way to look at the direction the school is taking and gives parents a voice.

I thought more aobut the fact that one of the founders is not running for re-election. It did worry me but then I thought, I'm sending my kids to a school not a cult and if the school can't survive the departure of one person then there's a big problem with the school.

As usual I'm very very tired. And tired of being tired. but not tired of talking about how tired I am.

I have never been so happy to see my kids

go back to school.

I feel horribly guilty about it but Des and Amelia fight all the time. They pick on Cady and snipe at me. And complain that being home sucks.

All Cady, All Finn, all the time is a bit much.

I need some space, people!