Evaluations

The kids came home from school with a packet of evaluations to fill out- one for each staff member and one for the school in general.

I tried not to influence their answers and just transcribe what they said to me so the results were pretty funny. It also turned out to be a useful tool for me because it was another reminder that just because twins are born at the same time doesn't mean that they are the same person.

Amelia was pretty positive, she likes the staff. One staff member was described as "being nice to kids in a kid way and nice to grown ups in a grown up way". She loves HVSS but for the question "What should school meeting do differently?" she said "we shouldn't have to be certified to use tape, 5 year olds know not to stick tape on themselves". She also commented that some other students "have to learn not to shout when they don't get their way because you can't always have things your way, it just doesn't work like that."

desmond's evaluations were definitely in line with his world view which basically amounts to "let me do what I want and don't ask me to do anything". His positive comment for every staff member was "they don't interrupt my games". I was surprised when he said that he didn't want a staff member to return. It turns out that this person says hi to him in a "weird way and it embarrasses me". Des definitely likes to perform,he can be quite theatrical, but at the same time he doesn't like it when other people call attention to him. So I think that's what that was about. Part of me wanted to go and explain this to the staff member. I got all worried that this would be the start of some lasting enmity and I even thought that perhaps I shouldn't have written it down. Or explained to him the full risk of possibly offending someone, and then I said to myself "hey crazy, he's 5, nobody is going to hold this against him". When asked about his experience at hvss he said "I half like it and half don't" He then enumerated his likes and dislikes. That is so Des. Amelia knows that you have to take the good with the bad but for Des it
is an equation and if you don't like something 100% then you can't say that you like it. I know he's happy there, as happy as he is capable of anyway.

Now I know why congress can't accomplish much

Last night there was a special meeting of the Assembly to approve the paternity/maternity leave policies written by the School Meeting. (note-the school meeting takes place once a week and is comprised of staff and students, the assembly is everyone in the school meeting plus the parents, I believe the assembly has to approve any policies that have a financial component). I went because I thought the policy should include a more flexible timeline for taking leave. As it was written it seemed that leave had to be taken in the first three months for fathers and the first six months for mothers. So that was my two cents.

I came away with mixed feelings about the whole system. On the plus side, I guess they use Roberts rules of order so everyone waits for their turn to speak and you have to make motions to vote or to table topics and that works pretty well. It definitely helps keep people on topic. Myself included(I am a rambler!). However, debating the minutae of a pretty basic policy starts to wear and an inordinate amount of time was spent on a point because it seemed to offend one person's more egalitarian sensibilities. At the same time, a huge change was made that turned it into one family leave policy and gave equal amount of time to both mothers and fathers. I thought that was a great idea.

One aspect of the policy was to give two months paid leave and then an additional month for each year that the person had been on staff up to six months. One assembly member objected because it didn't seem fair to be awarding extra benefits just because someone was having a baby and also because if you think people need a certain amount of paid time, that need doesn't change no matter how long you are on staff. I felt, and said so, that it was a perk and I didn't have a problem with that. Then I learned that there are no other distinctions like extra vacation time or differences in pay. That gave me pause but, and I didn't say this for 'twould have been off topic, I would totally vote for stuff like that so I know there was no inconsistency in my position. Anyway, we spent at least a half hour going back and forth on this and it was exhausting. The room was really hot and at things like this there is always one person who talks really slowly or just doesn't know how to make their point and that is when my attention starts to wander.

As I was sitting there, I was thinking about how the School Meeting took a lot of time to draft this and then we had the power to come along and gut it. It made me realize why legislative bodies seem so slow and dysfunctional. When you have thoughtful people discussing a topic thoughtfully it just takes time to come to a resolution. Compared to many other meetings that I have attended in my life I have to say that most of the comments and ideas presented at this one were thoughtful and while I was tempted to be dismissive of the debate as being too academic or not so important because we were talking about a situation that was not going to come up very often I know that the underlying philosophy and reasoning behind something mundane as personnel policy is important. It may be boring and painful at times but it is worth debating. Unfortunately I didn't even get to stay for the final vote because Ray was home with three of the kids and I had a feeling that bedtime was not going well. It was very frustrating to have to leave but now I know to either bring more of my kids with me or get a babysitter.

Misinformation

So, I'm talking to a mom and mention that my kids go to Sudbury. She says "Oh god, its amazing how much misinformation is spread about that school!" I said "Huh?" kind of alarmed/excited to find out what she's talking about and ready to debunk if need be. She says "Well, my friends were looking at it but they got the idea that the kids can just play video games all day if they want to." I said,only cringing a little bit, "They can." and then added hastily "but that's not all they do there."

We went on to have a nice chat and I enlightened her to the fact that my kids didn't just spend all day playing video games, they also build forts, play with bionicles, go sledding and eat ice cream at 10 o clock in the morning! Its really hard to explain to someone why I'm ok with this even though I too often feel twinges of uncertainty...the old "Shouldn't they be learning?" bug.

The video game issue is a big one for me but the way she presented it is actually two separate problems. The first is Can you trust children to be totally in charge of their day and their learning process? the second is Is it harmful to spending whole days doing nothing but playing video games.

The way I see it is that the answer to both questions is a yes and how do I reconcile them. You have to look at the big picture. I have a problem with excessive reliance on video in general. I think its bad for their eyes, and limits their imagination and creativity. I also think that you think differently and process information differently if you are playing one of those mpp games online vs. old fashioned dungeons and dragons with a 12 sided die. However, I don't think that the overall harm of excessive video game playing outweighs the good of the other aspects of sudbury. If they go to a traditional school its true that they won't be playing ultraviolent video games but they also won't be getting the practice in decision making or moral guidance that they get at sudbury so I'm willing to take the good with the bad.

Going Bowling

Ah sudbury, the lessons you teach me...

Amelia wanted to go bowling and wanted to bring a friend. Des chimed in and said that he wanted to bring his friends too. Since they all go to school together I said "Hey Why don't you try and plan a field trip?" Amelia was hesitant at first so we sat down and made a list of all the things that you would need to do to organize a bowling trip. She was excited and scared and asked if I would help her talk to the staff the next day to make the motion. My heart leapt with joy! First of all, I love to make lists. Secondly, I was excited that Amelia was undertaking this and thrilled that she wanted me to be a part of it. Thirdly, I'm very curious about the procedures in the school meeting and I was happy to have this little window. The whole night, up until bedtime, Amelia kept saying, " wow I can't believe that I'm going to do a bowling trip. I'm only five. I can't even read you know."

the next day, we pick up her friend and carpool mate and the first thing Amelia says is "Guess what, I'm going to make a motion to do a bowling trip" Her friend says, "I can't believe it. I just went bowling and I want to do a bowling trip." amelia says "Let's do it together." Des says, "Well, I don't want to make the motion but I want to go bowling." Life is wonderful and I sit in the front seat beaming with my list in my pocket.

It was a tuesday, playday, so when we got to school I said "amelia, let me get Cady settled and I'll go to the office with you." a staff member was nearby and Amelia started to walk over to her, hesitated, asked me to come with her but then said "No, mom I don't need you. we can do it." I said,"well, do you want the list." "No mom, I don't need it." "Are you sure, because I have it with me. It's right here , in my pocket." "No, no. I'm ok." I think I hid my disappointment well and I went into the playroom with Cady and Finn.

A little while later I was getting a drink of water and Amelia came up and asked for the name of the bowling alley. I said, pathetically, "Well, I wrote the number down, remember,on the list." She looked at me with her hands on her hips and said "Mom, I don't need the list. I just need the name." "Hoe bowl in Kingston" I said, and tried not to sigh dramatically.

So what did I learn? I guess just the same lesson that we parents learn over and over again-how to let go, gracefully if possible or grudgingly if we must. I have to try to remember that my child is capable and in capable hands at HVSS.

My new year's resolution

Hello gentle reader(I would never presume to use the plural),
I've been busy but my number one resolution is to pos once a week, probably on mondays.
See you then!