More about Lying

"morality and ethical values are not mere decorative frills of personal opinion, not subjective superstructure, but intrinsic laws of the cosmos built into the heart of reality" Bhikkiu Bodhi

I take the sentiments of the above to heart when I talk to my kids about ethics. I understand the arguments of moral relativism but they seem instinctively wrong to me. From a practical standpoint a society built upon the idea of moral relativism is going to get into trouble. I think that there are some parents out there that consciously or not convey a sense of moral relativism to their children and parent in a morally relativistic way that I cannot go along with.

My approach with a lot of things has been to get the habit down first and then explore the reasons for it later. So I've explained what lying is and told them not to do it and punished them when they do. Then I tell them why it's wrong.

Yesterday when we were talking about JC with them I explained why I thought it was so bad to lie to JC. I explained that it's all about trust. The kids are entrusted with a tremendous amount of freedom and JC is the way to correct behavior that jeopardizes those freedoms. If the students cannot be trusted to be honest about their activities then the school couldn't function. This is the problem with lying in general. Trust and cooperation go hand in hand and lying jeopardizes those relationships.

They were ready for this discussion but Cady certainly isn't. Right now I'm just trying to teach Cady the difference between a lie and the truth.
oh I just had the most interesting thought!! so I was thinking how many parents worry about being "too authoritarian" so they give their kids these moral choices before the kids can handle them. Then there are those hyper commanding parents who have to be in control of every aspect of their child's behavior and brook no dissent. The problem isn't between being authoritarian or permissive, I think the problem is between being arbitrary or rational.

If parents aren't clear about their own ethical or moral reasons for living a certain way this confusion is going to be transmitted to their kids no matter how they parent. "Because I said so" and "what do you think is the answer" can both be useful or damaging depending on the follow up conversations.