I love smart people.

I really do. Not everybody does, you know, but I do. I used to feel threatened by smart people, truly smart people, because I would always compare myself to them and get very edgy if I thought I was coming up short. A lot of that is because I did so well in school that I let my whole identity get wrapped up in being smart. It was the only thing I was good at. And if I did poorly on a test or got a bad grade on a paper I took that as a judgment on me as a human being. It never occurred to me that I could improve. I had a very rigid- you either get it or you don't method of learning and if I didn't get something the first time I assumed it was because I was stupid. Pretty twisted. Towards the end of high school, when I was really bottoming out, teachers just kept saying to me over and over again "but you're so smart, why aren't you ________(doing your work, studying, working up to your potential bla bla bla)." Sometimes smart just isn't enough. It helps but it doesn't always overcome a dysfunctional family or lack of direction or a bunch of other stuff that can hold people back. and it isn't even respected by your peers in many academic settings. so I've had a love/hate relationship with smarties for a while.

But now I love smart people and I feel like I'm coming across more of them than ever before. I feel challenged and intrigued and I have even come across some ideas that are so hard for me to understand that I actually feel my brain stretching around them, trying to comprehend. It's great to be a grown up and feel comfortable with who you are and your own talents and abilities so that you can also enjoy what other people have to offer. Huzzah!