and I've finally figured out why. He doesn't get the Sudbury timeline. I think he thought they would be achieving the same things that kids in public school do but just arriving at it through a different route. Since second graders know how to read Ray wants to know why Des and Amelia aren't reading. He's concerned that we're raising happy idiots. People with great self esteem and no useful skills.
We're mulling over the idea of sending Cady and Finn to regular skill for kindergarten and maybe first or second grade. It would make him feel better knowing that they are at Sudbury with some skills. I don't want to deal with public school bullshit. Dumb assignments and stuff like that. PTA. Because there is no way that I could send my kids to public school and not get involved with the PTA. And promptly become a thorn in everyone's side.
Am I ok with the Sudbury timeline? I think so. For me it's not just about developing discrete skills. I know I need to step it up and be more involved in what's important to them. It's engagement with the process that concerns me. You don't feel like reading? fine. But I want to see them feel something. Which I do. I definitely do. I can't do these late night blog posts. I just go around in circles.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
My job is so great
And here's why:
These are all the things I talked about and contemplated today-
world religions
medieval literature
copyright law
Catch 22
Byron
Robert Browning
The Velveteen Rabbit
Mark Twain
Philip K. Dick
magic/magick
lovely fall weather
Isabel Allende
Meryl Streep
food writing
dictionaries and the art of translation
Jack London
Edith Wharton
Not a bad gig.
These are all the things I talked about and contemplated today-
world religions
medieval literature
copyright law
Catch 22
Byron
Robert Browning
The Velveteen Rabbit
Mark Twain
Philip K. Dick
magic/magick
lovely fall weather
Isabel Allende
Meryl Streep
food writing
dictionaries and the art of translation
Jack London
Edith Wharton
Not a bad gig.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
How was your day dear?
Amelia handed me a piece of paper with a list of words with checks next to them and "100%" at the top. On the back she had written a short description of her day. She and her friends have been doing "real learning stuff".
Des spent $8 on soda and then smashed 5 of the cans with his friends to see what would happen.
The day before we had a big blowout here because Amelia had signed up for yet another webkinz type game and when I started to say something she yelled "Des watched the Matrix again!" (Amelia has always been a total tattle tale. I love it!) I don't know why I blew up at that moment. Well I know why, because I had been paying bills at work. Money is really tight since I bought the store and bill paying time always brings that home to me. So I after spending an hour writing check after check, the thought of spending thousands of dollars for them to sit in front of a screen just made me a little nutty.
Des spent $8 on soda and then smashed 5 of the cans with his friends to see what would happen.
The day before we had a big blowout here because Amelia had signed up for yet another webkinz type game and when I started to say something she yelled "Des watched the Matrix again!" (Amelia has always been a total tattle tale. I love it!) I don't know why I blew up at that moment. Well I know why, because I had been paying bills at work. Money is really tight since I bought the store and bill paying time always brings that home to me. So I after spending an hour writing check after check, the thought of spending thousands of dollars for them to sit in front of a screen just made me a little nutty.
Monday, September 14, 2009
More drama!
Oh it never ends with me. This is Sudbury drama now.
The school is facing a serious shortfall. Unbelievable amount. Some kids they expected to come back didn't, sliding scale figures were lower than expected (ours definitely were) and they used money from this year to pay for stuff last year. They are also owed about 40,000 in uncollected tuition. Jeepers, that's a lot of money. It's a problem and I don't know how it's going to work out.
There has a been a good discussion on the Assembly list. It started with a heartfelt invitation from one of the staff to encourage people to come to the next philosophy discussion. He talked about the purpose of the school being to help kids become effective. I asked what people thought effective meant. It's a pretty abstract goal and I knew there would be different thoughts about it. I'm not sure what an effective adult is. My idea was much more concrete. Someone who can support themselves. There was a lot of discussion about the philosophy in theory but I felt that it should have been more about the philosophy in practice.
I ruffled some feathers with the phrase "underlying hostility towards formal education". The staff members thought I meant them but really I meant the culture of the school. I can't wait til the real life philosophy discussion. Egghead loves to tussle!
The school is facing a serious shortfall. Unbelievable amount. Some kids they expected to come back didn't, sliding scale figures were lower than expected (ours definitely were) and they used money from this year to pay for stuff last year. They are also owed about 40,000 in uncollected tuition. Jeepers, that's a lot of money. It's a problem and I don't know how it's going to work out.
There has a been a good discussion on the Assembly list. It started with a heartfelt invitation from one of the staff to encourage people to come to the next philosophy discussion. He talked about the purpose of the school being to help kids become effective. I asked what people thought effective meant. It's a pretty abstract goal and I knew there would be different thoughts about it. I'm not sure what an effective adult is. My idea was much more concrete. Someone who can support themselves. There was a lot of discussion about the philosophy in theory but I felt that it should have been more about the philosophy in practice.
I ruffled some feathers with the phrase "underlying hostility towards formal education". The staff members thought I meant them but really I meant the culture of the school. I can't wait til the real life philosophy discussion. Egghead loves to tussle!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Drama!
Short story:
Amelia fell at the playground and had to go by helicopter to a pediatric trauma unit!
Long story:
Amelia was trying to copy something she had seen an older (and taller) kid do and whacked her head but good on a metal bar. She had a nasty looking bump behind her ear so we called 911. We asked if she had lost consciousness and all the kids said no.
The initial responders (police and local volunteers) did an initial assessment and called for the pros. The paramedics came, and in talking to one of the older kids decided that she may have had 'altered consciousness' and therefore needed to be seen at a pediatric trauma unit. Which we don't have in Ulster County. So they called the medevac in. A freaking helicopter landed on the front lawn of the elementary school and off we went to Albany. Part of me thought it was over the top but the other part of me couldn't help but think "Natasha Richardson" so we went along with this.
When Amelia broke her arm, the first time, Ray went in the ambulance with her while I got the other kids settled. I got to the hospital and she asked why I didn't come. I said "honey you were ok with Daddy" and she said "But you're...my mother!" So I know if I don't get on the freaking helicopter I will officially be World's Worst Mom. I have been on airplanes many many times. Small planes too. But since I had the kids I have developed a mild fear of flying. It doesn't stop me but I worry more than I ever did.
I had to sit in the very front and it's floor to ceiling glass. It made me feel very vulnerable. Like it was easier to fall out somehow. The helicopter took off and I pretty much stopped worrying about Amelia and started worrying that we were all going to die. You know what flying in a helicopter feels like? Rickety. Like you're riding in a rickety piece of crap that is going to fall apart at any minute. It doesn't help that my brain is now retrieving all bits of knowledge about helicopters that it has acquired over the years. The one that it keeps repeating is "In essence, a helicopter is constantly falling." NOT reassuring, brain!
There were a few moments where I wasn't worried about dying and here is what I thought:
1.That the view was spectacular and I feel lucky to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world.
2.That when you look down and see all the teeny tiny cars and monopoly houses and thimble size swimming pools from an airplane you laugh and think "My how small everything looks." But when you are in a tiny glass fronted space high in the sky it also gives you the perspective of how very small we are. We are miniscule. We are atoms in the universe.
3.I found myself reflecting on the nature of faith. In between mentally going for refuge by reciting the same buddhist prayer over and over again, I thought where am I really placing my faith? In the laws of karma, hoping that I have enough merit stored up at that moment so i don't die in a helicopter crash but trying to maintain equanimity so that if I do I will generate a good burst of energy a I go hurtling into my next life? In god? Because I definitely threw a few prayers that way, just to be safe. Or in the secular god, science? I had to have some faith in the capabilities of human engineering, and the diligence of maintenance crews to get in the thing in the first place. Right?
After a very long half hour, we finally landed at Albany med- on the goddam roof no less, one final spectacular burst of anxiety for me. The triage nurse sees us and then we more or less sat around for two hours and a CT scan of her head to find out that she was just fine. I am very, very grateful for that at least. :)
Coda to all this: It takes an hur to get to Albany from where we were. It took the helicopter 12 minutes to get to us, 6 or 7 minutes for us to get on and take off, the trip was 30 minutes. So all of that rigamarole to save 15 minutes tops in a non critical situation.
Amelia fell at the playground and had to go by helicopter to a pediatric trauma unit!
Long story:
Amelia was trying to copy something she had seen an older (and taller) kid do and whacked her head but good on a metal bar. She had a nasty looking bump behind her ear so we called 911. We asked if she had lost consciousness and all the kids said no.
The initial responders (police and local volunteers) did an initial assessment and called for the pros. The paramedics came, and in talking to one of the older kids decided that she may have had 'altered consciousness' and therefore needed to be seen at a pediatric trauma unit. Which we don't have in Ulster County. So they called the medevac in. A freaking helicopter landed on the front lawn of the elementary school and off we went to Albany. Part of me thought it was over the top but the other part of me couldn't help but think "Natasha Richardson" so we went along with this.
When Amelia broke her arm, the first time, Ray went in the ambulance with her while I got the other kids settled. I got to the hospital and she asked why I didn't come. I said "honey you were ok with Daddy" and she said "But you're...my mother!" So I know if I don't get on the freaking helicopter I will officially be World's Worst Mom. I have been on airplanes many many times. Small planes too. But since I had the kids I have developed a mild fear of flying. It doesn't stop me but I worry more than I ever did.
I had to sit in the very front and it's floor to ceiling glass. It made me feel very vulnerable. Like it was easier to fall out somehow. The helicopter took off and I pretty much stopped worrying about Amelia and started worrying that we were all going to die. You know what flying in a helicopter feels like? Rickety. Like you're riding in a rickety piece of crap that is going to fall apart at any minute. It doesn't help that my brain is now retrieving all bits of knowledge about helicopters that it has acquired over the years. The one that it keeps repeating is "In essence, a helicopter is constantly falling." NOT reassuring, brain!
There were a few moments where I wasn't worried about dying and here is what I thought:
1.That the view was spectacular and I feel lucky to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world.
2.That when you look down and see all the teeny tiny cars and monopoly houses and thimble size swimming pools from an airplane you laugh and think "My how small everything looks." But when you are in a tiny glass fronted space high in the sky it also gives you the perspective of how very small we are. We are miniscule. We are atoms in the universe.
3.I found myself reflecting on the nature of faith. In between mentally going for refuge by reciting the same buddhist prayer over and over again, I thought where am I really placing my faith? In the laws of karma, hoping that I have enough merit stored up at that moment so i don't die in a helicopter crash but trying to maintain equanimity so that if I do I will generate a good burst of energy a I go hurtling into my next life? In god? Because I definitely threw a few prayers that way, just to be safe. Or in the secular god, science? I had to have some faith in the capabilities of human engineering, and the diligence of maintenance crews to get in the thing in the first place. Right?
After a very long half hour, we finally landed at Albany med- on the goddam roof no less, one final spectacular burst of anxiety for me. The triage nurse sees us and then we more or less sat around for two hours and a CT scan of her head to find out that she was just fine. I am very, very grateful for that at least. :)
Coda to all this: It takes an hur to get to Albany from where we were. It took the helicopter 12 minutes to get to us, 6 or 7 minutes for us to get on and take off, the trip was 30 minutes. So all of that rigamarole to save 15 minutes tops in a non critical situation.
Monday, September 7, 2009
An interesting link
This is from a friend. Not the friend whose son actually attended this school but somebody else. It's a small sudbury world.
http://www.mountainlaurelsudbury.org/classes.asp
(I wish I knew how to do that thing where people just click on a word. It's so much more attractive.)
I'm goign to try and explain learning this way to Des because he has a tremendous amount of hostility to anything as soon as you say the word class. Maybe I went too far with my brainwashing against traditional schooling. I think some of it has also come from school itself. Amelia wants some kind of gathering but she doesn't want to do it herself and says that people at school aren't into it. She only knows of two kids who have even tried it and both times it didn't work out that well. For someone reason she wants someone to co-sponsor the motion with her because she is afraid of how much work it will be to set up. Plus she doesn't know exactly what topic it is she's interested in.
My friend and I thought the last paragraph was interesting. I had gotten the sense that any topic offered was supposed to be generated by the students. But here is a founder, not just any old founder, but the big guy himself, Dan Greenberg, saying that sometimes he just tries to whip up interest in something. I am so ok with this because I know Sudbury and attendance is not mandatory and I like the idea of putting it out there. I wonder how this came about. Maybe they had times where their school was in a lull and this was an acceptable compromise to spark things up a bit. Or maybe I am confused about the philosophy itself. I'll have to do a little more digging and return to this another time.
I know that anytime something like this is suggested in our school the stock response seems to be that if you offer something then you give it more weight and importance and automatically exclude other things. Or that the mere offer puts pressure on students to participate. I think that's crap. I think that if you are really cultivating freedom and openess then these kids will feel secure enough to opt in or opt out. Right now, and I could be totally totally wrong here, I feel like there is a reverse pressure against participation. I get the sense that organized activity is deemed unsuitable somehow.
http://www.mountainlaurelsudbury.org/classes.asp
(I wish I knew how to do that thing where people just click on a word. It's so much more attractive.)
I'm goign to try and explain learning this way to Des because he has a tremendous amount of hostility to anything as soon as you say the word class. Maybe I went too far with my brainwashing against traditional schooling. I think some of it has also come from school itself. Amelia wants some kind of gathering but she doesn't want to do it herself and says that people at school aren't into it. She only knows of two kids who have even tried it and both times it didn't work out that well. For someone reason she wants someone to co-sponsor the motion with her because she is afraid of how much work it will be to set up. Plus she doesn't know exactly what topic it is she's interested in.
My friend and I thought the last paragraph was interesting. I had gotten the sense that any topic offered was supposed to be generated by the students. But here is a founder, not just any old founder, but the big guy himself, Dan Greenberg, saying that sometimes he just tries to whip up interest in something. I am so ok with this because I know Sudbury and attendance is not mandatory and I like the idea of putting it out there. I wonder how this came about. Maybe they had times where their school was in a lull and this was an acceptable compromise to spark things up a bit. Or maybe I am confused about the philosophy itself. I'll have to do a little more digging and return to this another time.
I know that anytime something like this is suggested in our school the stock response seems to be that if you offer something then you give it more weight and importance and automatically exclude other things. Or that the mere offer puts pressure on students to participate. I think that's crap. I think that if you are really cultivating freedom and openess then these kids will feel secure enough to opt in or opt out. Right now, and I could be totally totally wrong here, I feel like there is a reverse pressure against participation. I get the sense that organized activity is deemed unsuitable somehow.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Great Expectations
Oh, hello again.
I haven't posted this summer for the usual reasons (bookstore, exhaustion, not a lot to say) and a not so usual reason. I had some negative feelings about the school and didn't want to air them publicly because they might have given my millions of readers the wrong idea.
But the school year is beginning and I'm trying to approach it with both an open mind and a watchful eye. I was preoccupied last year and complacent. Over the summer I gave some serious consideration to taking the kids out. What stopped me was the reality that home schooling is not an option right now and traditional schooling is not looking more attractive just because Sudbury is looking less attractive.
I also had to think- why was I unhappy? I realized that I still support the main tenets of the philosophy that I have always supported and continue to question the things that I have always questioned. My problem was that this particular school felt dysfunctional. I don't know if it was a combination of staffing issues, student mix, slavish adherence to dogma or what but it didn't feel right. Now I see that I wasn't alone because a bunch of kids have left. Some graduated, some because of money and more than I would have expected because they either don't support the philosophy or don't think it's working in this school. So I hope there's going to be some soul searching this year.
I also realized that I had become too passive as a parent. Even when I saw stuff I didn't like, I didn't discuss it with Des and Amelia as much as I ought. I also had to get straight in my head about what I wanted from them. Two friends of Amelia's are talking about going to more traditional schools next year and they need to get themselves caught up this year. So now Amelia is talking about "learning" but she isn't sure how she is going to do it. I had told them both that we expected them to accomplish three things this year. It couldn't involve a screen and it had to be something that they made a motion to school meeting to accomplish. I laid it out for them "Mommy and Daddy are paying thousands of dollars for you to go to this school and we can't afford to pay this money for you to be on a computer all day. We need to see you doing something more."
As Amelia and I were discussing learning she said 'the reason I like Sudbury and not regular school is that I want to learn things that I want to when I want to. I don't want to do math this year." That's when things clarified for me and I was to able to clarify it for them both. I said "honey, I'm not worried about you learning specific things. I'm not looking to test you. Daddy and I are giving you a tremendous opportunity and freedom to choose what you learn. What we want to see is you going through the process. I want to see you set goals and work towards them." She started getting frustrated and said "Well I'm not sure what I want. I want to read but I don't want to do that at school. I want you to teach me. I want to have a sleepover on a battleship." I said "I'm happy that we're having this conversation now. I want to see you thinking more about how you'll spend your time there. Not just showing up and seeing what happens." Even though I expect, and think it's totally appropriate for lots of that to happen. What I realized tonight is that I want to see them engaging more actively in the Sudbury process. It's not an all or nothing proposition. They are still 7. But I do think after two years of running amok it's OK to ask them to be more thoughtful in their pursuits.
We'll see.
I haven't posted this summer for the usual reasons (bookstore, exhaustion, not a lot to say) and a not so usual reason. I had some negative feelings about the school and didn't want to air them publicly because they might have given my millions of readers the wrong idea.
But the school year is beginning and I'm trying to approach it with both an open mind and a watchful eye. I was preoccupied last year and complacent. Over the summer I gave some serious consideration to taking the kids out. What stopped me was the reality that home schooling is not an option right now and traditional schooling is not looking more attractive just because Sudbury is looking less attractive.
I also had to think- why was I unhappy? I realized that I still support the main tenets of the philosophy that I have always supported and continue to question the things that I have always questioned. My problem was that this particular school felt dysfunctional. I don't know if it was a combination of staffing issues, student mix, slavish adherence to dogma or what but it didn't feel right. Now I see that I wasn't alone because a bunch of kids have left. Some graduated, some because of money and more than I would have expected because they either don't support the philosophy or don't think it's working in this school. So I hope there's going to be some soul searching this year.
I also realized that I had become too passive as a parent. Even when I saw stuff I didn't like, I didn't discuss it with Des and Amelia as much as I ought. I also had to get straight in my head about what I wanted from them. Two friends of Amelia's are talking about going to more traditional schools next year and they need to get themselves caught up this year. So now Amelia is talking about "learning" but she isn't sure how she is going to do it. I had told them both that we expected them to accomplish three things this year. It couldn't involve a screen and it had to be something that they made a motion to school meeting to accomplish. I laid it out for them "Mommy and Daddy are paying thousands of dollars for you to go to this school and we can't afford to pay this money for you to be on a computer all day. We need to see you doing something more."
As Amelia and I were discussing learning she said 'the reason I like Sudbury and not regular school is that I want to learn things that I want to when I want to. I don't want to do math this year." That's when things clarified for me and I was to able to clarify it for them both. I said "honey, I'm not worried about you learning specific things. I'm not looking to test you. Daddy and I are giving you a tremendous opportunity and freedom to choose what you learn. What we want to see is you going through the process. I want to see you set goals and work towards them." She started getting frustrated and said "Well I'm not sure what I want. I want to read but I don't want to do that at school. I want you to teach me. I want to have a sleepover on a battleship." I said "I'm happy that we're having this conversation now. I want to see you thinking more about how you'll spend your time there. Not just showing up and seeing what happens." Even though I expect, and think it's totally appropriate for lots of that to happen. What I realized tonight is that I want to see them engaging more actively in the Sudbury process. It's not an all or nothing proposition. They are still 7. But I do think after two years of running amok it's OK to ask them to be more thoughtful in their pursuits.
We'll see.
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