Great Expectations

Oh, hello again.

I haven't posted this summer for the usual reasons (bookstore, exhaustion, not a lot to say) and a not so usual reason. I had some negative feelings about the school and didn't want to air them publicly because they might have given my millions of readers the wrong idea.

But the school year is beginning and I'm trying to approach it with both an open mind and a watchful eye. I was preoccupied last year and complacent. Over the summer I gave some serious consideration to taking the kids out. What stopped me was the reality that home schooling is not an option right now and traditional schooling is not looking more attractive just because Sudbury is looking less attractive.

I also had to think- why was I unhappy? I realized that I still support the main tenets of the philosophy that I have always supported and continue to question the things that I have always questioned. My problem was that this particular school felt dysfunctional. I don't know if it was a combination of staffing issues, student mix, slavish adherence to dogma or what but it didn't feel right. Now I see that I wasn't alone because a bunch of kids have left. Some graduated, some because of money and more than I would have expected because they either don't support the philosophy or don't think it's working in this school. So I hope there's going to be some soul searching this year.

I also realized that I had become too passive as a parent. Even when I saw stuff I didn't like, I didn't discuss it with Des and Amelia as much as I ought. I also had to get straight in my head about what I wanted from them. Two friends of Amelia's are talking about going to more traditional schools next year and they need to get themselves caught up this year. So now Amelia is talking about "learning" but she isn't sure how she is going to do it. I had told them both that we expected them to accomplish three things this year. It couldn't involve a screen and it had to be something that they made a motion to school meeting to accomplish. I laid it out for them "Mommy and Daddy are paying thousands of dollars for you to go to this school and we can't afford to pay this money for you to be on a computer all day. We need to see you doing something more."

As Amelia and I were discussing learning she said 'the reason I like Sudbury and not regular school is that I want to learn things that I want to when I want to. I don't want to do math this year." That's when things clarified for me and I was to able to clarify it for them both. I said "honey, I'm not worried about you learning specific things. I'm not looking to test you. Daddy and I are giving you a tremendous opportunity and freedom to choose what you learn. What we want to see is you going through the process. I want to see you set goals and work towards them." She started getting frustrated and said "Well I'm not sure what I want. I want to read but I don't want to do that at school. I want you to teach me. I want to have a sleepover on a battleship." I said "I'm happy that we're having this conversation now. I want to see you thinking more about how you'll spend your time there. Not just showing up and seeing what happens." Even though I expect, and think it's totally appropriate for lots of that to happen. What I realized tonight is that I want to see them engaging more actively in the Sudbury process. It's not an all or nothing proposition. They are still 7. But I do think after two years of running amok it's OK to ask them to be more thoughtful in their pursuits.

We'll see.